Boil the water and have a glass of wine. Once boiled, add your pasta and leave it there for awhile. Melt the butter in a saucepan, and once all melted, add the flour. Stir that fella for awhile until you create a roux (which is a posh french name for paste, or as I prefer to say - goo). Have a glass of wine. But keep an eye on that slow-fryin' bacon and mushrooms, already!

Take the goo off the heat now and gradually add the milk, stirring constantly so it doesn't end up looking like porridge! Thats it - nice and smooth. Now stick it back on high heat and stir until it thickens nicely. Have a glass of wine.

Okay, now remove once again from heat and add the cheese gradually. Stir until cheese has melted. Have a glass of wine.

Drain Macaroni and put into a casserole dish. Pour the cheese sauce on top and sprinkle the chopped bacon and mushrooms on top. Alternatively you can mix the bacon and mushrooms into it. Have a glass of wine.

Place under a hot grill and wait until the cheese has turned brown. Take it out to cool for awhile. Turn off the stove now because you're pissed!

Make sure your friends have keys to your house, because you've now had too much wine and will be asleep on your lounge, but they won't care because they'll love your special macaroni cheese-a-la-henry!